Reflect on Chapters 4-6 of Messages and create a blog posting that identifies how you might use the information in these readings to improve your ability to communicate with sincerity and congruence. Think about instances where you have been exposed to incongruent messages and how you felt at those times.
In your blog, use specific situations that you recall and describe changes that you would make using the technical jargon of the chapters.
Make no mistake about it, verbal and non-verbal communication sends a very powerful message to the receiver when used correctly. However, for the person delivering the message, communication that is delivered incorrectly can be ambiguous and very noticeable by your audience. Inconsistency in communication can cause a loss of credibility and the audience may be less trusting of what the speaker is trying to convey.
When it comes to body language, I am very aware that I use it as a main factor for my communication style. “Understanding body language is essential because over 50 percent of a message’s impact comes from body movements” (Denning, 2011). I gesture or “talk” with my hands a lot and use the nonverbal movements called illustrators. "Illustrators are non verbal movements that accompany and illustrate verbal communications" (McKay et. al., 2009, p.61).
When I am describing something I will draw it out in the air with my hands, and this probably isn't so unusual. I do find that it can either get and keep a person’s attention or it becomes a distraction because they are looking at my hands and not my face. I try to read the person I am talking to and see if they are paying attention to what I am saying or if my gestures are distracting them and I will adjust to this by holding a pen or notepad in my hands to keep from getting carried away. One other area in chapter 4 that I found interesting was the proxemics or spatial relationships. Proxemics, according to McKay et. al., (2009) is: "the study of what you communicate by the way you use space" (p.65). At work we are a close knit group but we mostly fall into the social distance area. Perhaps this has something to do with men, and Type A personalities. One study determined that personal characteristics such as power, which may be inferred from sex or occupation (versus culture), may also have an impact on proxemic behavior. The study concluded that "powerful individuals will interact differently, in proxemic terms, than individuals who have little power." (Albus, 1980, p.121)
Chapter 5 Paralanguage and Metamessages was the most interesting for me because it involves vocal aspect of speech. McKay et. al., (2009) describe the six elements as: "pitch, resonance, articulation, tempo, volume and rhythm." (p.70-72). I have noticed that when I talk on the phone I use resonance quite often. When talking to a colleague who is angry I tend to make my voice a bit stronger to convey my firmness with them and I also articulate my words more and speak slower. I also tend to soften my voice when I am talking to someone familiar on the phone. The largest issue for me is my accent. Most people cannot place it - it certainly has an Australian twang to it, and the rising inflection at the end of sentences that Australians use all the time. Combined with the speed of my talk from the English side and my turn of phrase, many people have a hard time understanding me - especially over electronic communications like a radio. I have to constantly think about speaking slower on the radio.
It goes with that saying that if you smile when you are on the phone the person on the other end can “hear” that smile as well and feel more comfortable with you. If you are irritated it will come through in your voice. Many years ago I attended a course on effective presentations and learned there how to enunciate properly and speak in front of people so that I could be understood well and although I may sound slow, the pace of my speech is just right for the audience. When I present, my speech is fine; I just need to project this more to my everyday life.
One last area in chapter 5 I found interesting is the metamessages. Metamessages are statements that can have two meanings - the meaning of the actual words, and the meaning of the speakers attitudes and feelings (McKay et. al., 2009). We may all be guilty of this from one time or another, however I have found after reading this section that there are certain people who do this all the time. There is a coworker will spout out numbers on everything, “The max. continuous engine temperature is 940 degrees centigrade” or "50% of pilots don't think we should do this". For others at work, the emphasis is on the person speaking and how much they have worked. This tends to make others in the office feel as if we have done nothing all day long, or know little on the subjects. The air of authority he projects by using numbers covers up the fact that often the numbers themselves are wrong. In this area I have done well to improve by not complaining or throwing out numbers as a compliant or gripe.
Hidden Agendas shed some light on not only me but some of my coworkers as well as family members. For example, “I’m good” applies to a coworker who feels the need to talk about their wealth (my house is worth $650,000) any chance they get. Again, McKay et. al., (2009) explain the I'm Good agenda as "a role that is played as if you were on stage - you create an undeniably fine character, but not your authentic self" (p.81). People often make a point of telling their story to constantly paint themselves in a good light no matter what the situation is. Of course no one is going to go out of their way to talk badly about themselves but I find that this agenda explains a lot about this person. The agenda “you’re good (but I’m not)” reminds me of several people!
The last agenda I want to talk about is the “I’m Tough” agenda. I read it and then had to reread it again. This is how at least like to think of myself, and even I get overwhelmed by it. I have learned to do many things for myself so I have that chip on my shoulder that says “I don’t need you”. I would rather fail at something than to ask for help because to me it shows weakness in myself. I want to show that I am in control at all times. This is something that I struggle with each day and I work hard to change this “I’m tough” persona. In particular this shows in my personal life - where the honey-do list is long, the project are time consuming and important to my wife, but I hate it when she tries to help by starting one! "That's my job" I'll exclaim as she attempts to put up a curtain rail or frame out a wall (usually pretty badly). One strategy to counter this is to give some of the smaller projects (and the one's I hate) to my wife to complete. Painting is one - that job she can have anytime. I try also to be less overprotective of my tools or equipment - this helps!
Admitting that I can’t do it all by myself is a big step for me in becoming a better communicator. I believe my fear is that if I ask for help I will disappoint someone or they will lose faith that I can do it. It is something that takes time and will be something that I will work on for the rest of my life. These 3 chapters opened my eyes to different types of communicating and I hope to be able to read these signs better and use what I learned in each chapter to communicate better not only in my professional but personal life as well.
References:
ALBAS, C. A. M. (1980). CULTURE, POWER, AND PROXEMIC BEHAVIOR. (Order No. 8113935, University of Colorado at Boulder). ProQuest Dissertations and Theses, , 121-121 p. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com.ezproxy.libproxy.db.erau.edu/docview/303031473?accountid=27203. (303031473).
Denning, S. (2011). The Leader’s Guide to Storytelling: Mastering the Art and Discipline of Business Narrative. San Francisco, CA: John Wiley & Sons/Jossey-Bass.
McKay, M., Davis, M., Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The Communications Skills Book. (3rd ed.) Oakland, CA; New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
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